We all have a story to share that will inspire others that you can over-come the dark days and nights. Over the last 10 years, I use to beat myself up about not being good enough for the man who I was once engaged to be married to. You know I was changing everything about me to make him happy. Not realizing that the changes I made were not pleasing to God. Before he came along, I was attending worship services, participating in ministry, and growing my faith in God. I was growing as a woman in Christ.
However, I reverted back when I got back with someone who I thought changed. It all sounded good in the beginning and my prayer life was solid and strong. I was that praying sister who seeked God’s guidance and word for everything, but this man. It was not until he begin to show who he really was and that I could not accept.
So, I kept praying for God to show me signs to walk away from the relationship and not to marry this man. Ironically, each time I prayed, God would show me a flaw or a secret he was hiding. It’s so true, what you do in the dark has a way of making its way to the light. It was so bold and bright that I could not miss it with the “baby mama” drama and other women calling my home to calling my job. At that time, I could not put the two together when I would ask him, how did they get my number. Of course he would say that famous line, “baby, I don’t know how they got your number.” You sure that’s not so and so? ” So, my prayers got stronger and harder because I needed God to show me and most importantly to protect me for whatever was about to come.
Now, saying all of this he was the son of a preacher so I figured he knew better. I am not saying all pastor’s kids (PK) are the same but a few fit the criteria. Like I said, the prayers got stronger and the praying and crying was starting to become a bit too much. I learned from those prayers that when you asked God to show up, be careful what you ask of him because he will do it.
Each prayer, he would reveal something to me about the man I was trying to marry. For instance, he kept changing the wedding date or not coming up to see me since we had a long distance relationship. Our commute was hour and 45 minutes one way. I was the one doing all the driving until I relocated back to my former home town. God didn’t tell me to move and he showed me through the drama and events that kept occurring why it was not my place to move without his approval.
I can honesty laugh about this today because I tell women and men that, God had to allow me to keep bumping my head until I was tired and ready to get up. What made that happen was the humiliation of a wedding not happening the day before and his big secret that made me feel like the biggest fool. I learned a valuable lesson that night from God. It was this, he put people in your life for a season or lifetime to teach us something.
My ex had already taught me the lesson five years prior when he could not commit to a relationship with me. The devil knows when you have grown in your walk with Jesus and he came down my path to distract me with the one man who had a bad habit of coming back and forth into my life with nothing but pain and misery.
When a man can tell you to your face that the only reason he came back into your life was to destroy you for leaving him the first time is nothing but the devil himself. I learned a valuable lesson that God will never bring someone back from the past to destroy you. Get the lesson right the first time and always pray on it.
I shared some of my testimony’s story because sometimes we are blind in love because we don’t know what true unconditional love is from a man. We are blindsided by all the material and broken promises that pacify us just long enough for that person to get what they want from the relationship. For some women like myself at the time, it was the engagement ring that he bought that he kept dangling over my head like it was a special treat.
We get lost in the idea of getting married to someone we think we love, but in reality we don’t know true unconditional love until a man can love you like Jesus. See you for who you truly are and accept your flaws knowing you are not perfect. A man not afraid to pray with you and for you. Now that is a man of God after his own heart.
So, I created Sistah’s Pearls of Wisdom to share my thoughts and wisdom on relationships, inspirational messages from pastor’s sermon messages, and guest pastor messages that inspired an article from my notes. Many of the articles are inspired just from life’s events, a friends relationship that I observed, and a testimony from my journey.
I learned to fall in love with me and I forgave my ex-fiance for the pain and heart-break. But most importantly, I had to forgive myself for not keeping my eye on God and trusting in his love for me to realize what was not love. I am happy for the trial for it taught me many lessons that I will be sharing here on Sistah’s Pearls of Wisdom.